VHI Communications Office Vogon Communications
Office of Communications, Vogsphere

You have unfortunately reached the central Vogon Communications Office page for your link. Our office is required to operate a similar page on all servers with Vognet gateways. More importantly, it serves as the final link before a firewall which will prevent uninvited, unwanted, anonymous Earth people like yourself, from accessing the main Vognet computers on our home world, Vogsphere and more importantly, at our main data facilities in Mega Brantis. If you don't like it, TOO BAD! It's not in our nature to worry about your fiddling, human happiness. For more information about us check the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, from Megadodo Publications.

This new page has been installed by the Central Vogon Communications Office, Vogsphere, to replace the pathetic, locally generated failure originally created by the Earth Reconnaissance Office agent, A.K.A. the director of Vogon Heavy Industries. The original page contained language and phrasing deemed totally unacceptable by the Vogon Office of Public Standards and Practices (V.O.P.S.P.) as outlined in their official policy guideline file. It was ill-conceived, reprehensible and generally, utterly ludicrous!

Observation of the Earth gateway server revealed that the director has spent entirely too much time among humans. Immediately following the radical plastic surgery which allows him to blend into your midst, we noticed a change in his behavior far beyond our original intent. Communications from the Earth office took on an almost, dare we say, "pleasant" tone. Further, the Earth agent began responding to E-Mail within 26 Voghours, a practice strictly forbidden under the VOPSP guidelines. Therefore our office has assumed direct control of all mirror space provided to us by VHI under the terms of the Supreme Galactic Court judgement against various elements of Vogon administrative authority.

We have implemented a standardization program for this server. The Office of Communications has installed all the standard elements required on all Vogon servers. These include a Central Vognet Gateway Header, the Simplified Vogon Input Device and the standard Vognet Error Message. As required by specific terms of the settlement reached with VHI, we have also installed a few additional elements which were reviewed by the VOPSP, and found acceptable. These include the Stupid Human Input Device and the Stupid Text-only Input Device. Why VHI insists on being so "nice" in their own pages, yet occasionally demonstrates that they are perfectly capable of communicating correctly like the green-blooded Vogons they actually are, remains unclear at this time.

All Vogon pages operated by The Earth Office, run on a new Milliard GargantuaServer(TM). If your pathetic Earth Internet will not make you wait all day for it, you may now view an ad, including a photo of VHI's new GSG-2042, from Milliard Technologies. When ready, link to Milliard Technologies.

The Central Communications Office, Vogsphere, will handle all subsequent updates to this page, and all other pages operated in the aforementioned mirror facility at VHI. VHI has retained their installation of Milliard's Boomerang Slap-Back Firewall program, to further insure that we will not accidentally violate the terms of the settlement. The firewall additionally removes all responsibility for the opinions expressed by the director of VHI or any of his staff.

The following is a hierarchical, annotated list of many of the pages currently operating on the VHI server. It of course includes the required Vogon pages, and also lists some of the pages generated by VHI beyond our control. Just because we cannot modify them, do not think for a moment we cannot see them. If a page title is not provided as a link it is either the currently selected page, or can only be accessed from its parent page. Finally, if you have somehow failed to obtain a copy of Netscape and you're using another browser, the following chart may look terrible! Then again, that would be entirely your own fault.

Master Vognet Gateway- This is the "official" staring point for the Vogon mirror site. It gives you a choice of SVID, SHID or STID.
Simplified Vogon Input Device- This page utilizes our standard issue VHI input device. If you can't understand it TOO BAD!
Stupid Human Input Device- This page allows you to use a panel designed for humans. You simians ought to understand it.
Stupid Text-only Input Device- This is for users, (like LINUX dopes), who don't have Netscape or just don't want to see the graphics.
Vogon Error Message- This means you haven't got a clue. It's got a big red handle right in the middle so you won't get lost.

Constructor(tm) Fleet Information- The central page for Captain Prosthenic Vogon Jeltz, and the Vogon CONSTRUCTOR(TM) Fleet.

Communication Office- You are currently looking at this page. No, there's no link to it, You're already on it.

www.vogon.com- Run by VHI this is the home domain for all their new activities.
Megadodo Publications- Information about their most amazing product, the HHGttG.
HHGttG Sounds- Sounds associated with the Guide and the stories written about it.
HHGttG Links- Links to other HHGttG related sites.

Patrick Hubbard's Homepage- This is the VHI Director's personal homepage. He has included links and photos.

Vogon's Shameless Netscape Ad- A page of netscape worship. It's only useful feature is a link for Netscape Now.
Jiggery Pokery Page- The earth director parked the leftovers here. It disclaims, thanks and makes excuses for the rest.

If, for some reason the information which was provided in this page is insufficient, or somehow inadequate for your purposes, you may send a message to the Earth Reconnaissance office, operated locally by Vogon Heavy Industries.

For fastest response send a Sub-ether message now
Otherwise, for bulk shipments use Vogon Boardmail and wait.

Support for the VHI Communications Office provided by:

Milliard Technologies Sub-ether Gateway Server
~ and ~
VogEx Official Express Shipper of
Vogon Heavy Industries

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