CENTRAL VOGON CONSTRUCTOR FLEET INFORMATION OFFICE, MEGA BRANTIS

G R E E T I N G		"I have been instructed by the Home Office to write something pleasant and commercially inviting for this page. Forget it! First, it isn't in my mean, callous nature to do so. Second, I've just returned from an unhappy love affair and I don't see why anyone else should have a good time!" "I do hope you find what you're looking for here, because if I hear so much as a peep out of anyone you'll all get it in the neck! If you're really interested, I'd be happy to share one of my poems with you. I might even be able to find some of your unfortunate friends to share the experience." -- Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, Captain, Vogon CONSTRUCTOR (TM) Fleet Click to connect to live Sub-ether feed from the bridge. ( 54K in RA2.0 format with appropriate suffering in the background)
S E R V I C E S		We have pioneered a number of innovative and effective products and services in the planetary demolition market. Our CONSTUCTOR (TM) Fleet is standing by to provide a timely and effective solution to your elimination needs. We regularly receive delightfully unfavorable reviews in the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and other popular periodicals. Most importantly, our services represent a considerable value, with some of the most competitive rates in the industry. For your personal demolition needs our services are now available to the general Galactic public. Since you have taken it upon yourself to express an interest in CONSTUCTOR (TM) Fleet activities by poking your nose into our site, we might as well offer some additional information about these services. As you are no doubt aware, the fleet has returned from a recent assignment on behalf of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Counsel. We were extremely busy during the Vogyear-end demolition rush- the direct result of our discount rates. The ROI for Q6 was tremendous and we have decided to extend this special offer into the new year. Booking early, the reduced price schedule represents a substantial savings * to you or your customers compared to the gouging reserved for those beings determined to make their reservations with us at the last minute. This special offer has been extended for a limited time only, so don't come crying to us later because you paid too much. Because demolition requirements vary greatly depending on the nature of the demolition project, we cannot quote you an exact price until we have had an opportunity to make substantial inquiry into the target of intended destruction. Following that initial inquiry, a committee of Demolition Engineers and Fleet Accountants will study the Reconnaissance Office data, perform all the necessary Galactic title searches and then turn their findings over to the Accounting Office. The Accounting Office will then fully review the findings of the other two groups, and mail their estimate to the Work Estimates Office who will prepare the final report. Next, the report will be carefully checked by the Vogon Office of Public Standards and Practices, who will verify it's compliance with the requirements established in their Official Policy Guideline file. Last, assuming that the official estimate does not need to be sent back to another office for modification, the approved bid will be sent directly to the Shipping and Mailing Office, and then delivered to you without delay.
O U R F E E S		To give you an idea of the cost of our services, we offer the following table of approximate charges for some past demolition services performed under both the standard and discount rate schedules. PREVIOUS VOGON DEMOLITION PROJECTS Demolition target Effective Demolition (spherical volume) Total Population (less than) Standard Demolition (Altairian Dollars) Discount Demolition (Altairian Dollars) You Save Asteroid field 6 cubic sectors 2 Thousand $528,000 $459,000 15% Small city 10 Vogclick surface radius 2 Million $1,647,000 $1,350,000 22% Small planet 30x diameter 8 Billion $25,800,000 $20,000,000 29% Large planet 30x diameter 20 Billion $106,860,000 $78,000,000 37% Medium Star System 10x most distant satellite orbit radius 300 Billion $233,600,000 $160,000,000 46%
C O N T A C T U S		Again, we must scrutinize your particular demolition target before making a specific bid. We can assure you however, that our services are some of the most value conscious in the Galaxy. As always with any of our services, we assure your privacy, and will never reveal your identity, or sell the contact information, names or phone numbers recorded in our database. Whether it's the simple remodelling of one section of your star system, or the ruthless elimination of a pest civilization, there is only name you need. The Vogon CONSTRUCTIOR(TM) Fleet: If you would like additional information about our numerous products and services sent to you, please contact our main Mega Brantis office which will be unhappy to answer your questions in person(s) Tuesdays, between 1 and 1:15pm, standard Vogsphere time. Feel free to also visit Vogon Heavy Industries, which unfortunately is your local link to all Vogon products and services, as well as many other standard Galactic corporations including Milliard Technologies, and the local drop location for VogEx. Additionally you may send a Sub-ether message directly to VHI, and information may be forwarded to you if they're feeling particularly cooperative.

* Limited time offer, expires 18/40/34567, offer good only with participating captains, prices may vary, terms and conditions subject to change without notice, limit one per being/dimension, hyper-intelligent color species and employees of The Galactic Civil Service are not eligible, some restrictions apply, check local listings for further information, tax not included, may be void where prohibited by law, some assembly required, bring proof of credit, batteries not included, 3 at this price.

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